Sanctuary Walls, Not Cages: How Boundaries Free Radical Congruence

Two of therapy’s most sacred myths insist:

1. Congruence and boundaries exist in tension, though they are both essential.

2. Self-disclosure is inherently unprofessional and unsafe.

Both lies serve therapists, not survivors.

I offer countertruths:

→ Rigorous boundaries form the infrastructure of radical congruence.

→ Self-disclosure, when boundaried and consensual, becomes professional because it rejects systemic harm.

In my practice, congruence isn’t spillage. It’s a crowbar prying open systemic harm - when strategically deployed with ongoing informed consent. Every disclosure undergoes ruthless interrogation:

1. Whose needs does this serve? (If mine out-weigh therapeutic utility: silence.)

2. Does the client hold power to refuse/renegotiate? (No → coercion.)

3. Does this honor both of our dignity? (Dignity = No one’s humanity is bartered for healing. Vulnerability does not require martyrdom - nor does safety demand silence.)

A crucial nuance that makes this all the more important: Whose dignity is protected by these boundaries? My whiteness and professional armor let me disclose my being autistic without my competence automatically being called into question. Radical consent means auditing how identity shapes safety.

This boundary process honors autonomy - a client’s non-negotiable right to steer their care. In trauma contexts, consent protocols adapt: disclosure shifts to collaborative navigation, with the therapist continually assessing the safety of all participants in therapy. That is radically responsible care.

Arbitrary rules ("never disclose trauma!", "disclosure breaches professionalism") protect clinicians from discomfort. But client-centered boundaries demand dynamism. Boundaries can be:

→ Living: Re-negotiated hourly as sessions unfold.

→ Strong: Immovable when guarding autonomy.

These are not in conflict.

Myth-Busting in Action:

- "Disclosing ADHD is unprofessional!"

→ Reality: Concealing neurodivergence enforces neuronormativity. Strategic disclosure scaffolds disability neutrality.

- "Sharing my grief history burdens clients!"

→ Reality: Framing how I navigated grief models self-compassion without trauma-dumping.

For therapists, a guideline: you and your client’s agency and dignity are your boundaries.

When therapists weaponize "professionalism" (often code for comply with neuronormativity) to hoard survival knowledge, we replicate the systems clients seek shelter from.