Sunlight fractured on the water as Wyatt and I floated Schlitterbahn’s lazy river on my birthday - surrounded by laughter I couldn’t feel. That moment, strange as it sounds, crystallized Carl Rogers’ paradox:
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
For a long time, I believed that change required constant effort - pushing myself harder, ignoring my limits, and rejecting the parts of me that felt like obstacles. But that day on the river, as I faced the reality of my own needs, I realized that self-acceptance isn’t about giving up. It’s about creating the space where real change can unfold.
A Story of Acceptance and Change
For years, I had been keeping up in an agency setting. The work mattered, but the pace and the pressure were taking a toll. I convinced myself that if I just tried harder, I could make it work.
On my birthday, Wyatt and I went to Schlitterbahn. As we floated in the lazy river, I couldn’t ignore the growing awareness that I couldn’t keep going. I wasn’t just tired - I was unacceptable to myself.
The lazy river, engineered for relaxation, became a merciless mirror for my inner conflict. The current was steady, asking nothing of me but to float. And yet, I was resisting - trying to control the direction, fighting the flow, even though I knew I was only making it harder on myself.
The river wasn’t asking me to fight it - it was inviting me to let go. I didn’t need to swim upstream anymore. I was free to search for a path that would support me in a way I could sustain. Over time, that clarity led me to leave agency work, seek the care I needed, and eventually find a career that allowed me to work more authentically and with more balance.
The lazy river became a metaphor for the work of self-acceptance and integration.
• Flow and Resistance: Fighting against the current creates more exhaustion and frustration, but floating with it allows us to move with ease. In the same way, self-acceptance doesn’t stop us from growing - it helps us move with more intention.
• Control and Trust: Floating doesn’t mean relinquishing all control. You still guide yourself when necessary, but you trust the current to do the heavy lifting. Self-acceptance is similar.
• Integration of Parts: Just as a river is made up of both calm and turbulent waters, self-acceptance requires us to embrace all parts of ourselves - the good, the bad, the complex - and let them flow together.
When we reject or judge ourselves, we create internal resistance. This resistance often shows up as:
• Shame: The voice that says, “You’re not enough,” which shuts down curiosity and blocks progress.
• Denial: Avoiding the truth of where we are, which prevents us from taking meaningful steps forward.
• Rigidity: Holding too tightly to an ideal of what we “should” be, leaving no space for evolution.
Acceptance dissolves these barriers. It’s a foundation of emotional safety that lets us grow in ways that feel authentic.
It’s natural to fear that accepting ourselves will lead to stagnation. “If I accept where I am, won’t I stop trying to improve?” But acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on growth - it means shifting from a place of self-criticism to self-compassion.
As I floated in that lazy river, devastated into honesty with myself, I realized that accepting where I was wasn’t giving up. It was giving myself permission to find a current that could carry me forward in a sustainable way. That moment changed everything for me.